No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
