I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
