This is not my ceiling
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
