Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
