her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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