Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
