Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
