i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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