so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
