I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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