I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
