I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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