If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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