YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
