I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
