apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
