HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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