I am spending my child support on dildos
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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