I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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