But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
