I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
