best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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