Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
