he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
