You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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