All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
