i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
