yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
and you fell through a lawn chair
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
