I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
