I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
