He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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