I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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