i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
