There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize