The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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