please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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