i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
