Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
