So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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