that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
