I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
