life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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