R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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