so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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