listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
