well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
