he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
im six kinds of drunk right now
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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