well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
