i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
