wanna go halves on a baby?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
