Me too!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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