I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
