Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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