I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize