If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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