Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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