i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
