I look better un-naked...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
