I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
