Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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