just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
