haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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