I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
