You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She's the barista slut.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
