dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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