I bet he comes in French.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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